“Oh, Mandy, how nice to see you again!” Mum is leaning toward us on the sofa in the living room. Wine glass in hand, her smile intoxicated but fading as she looks at me. “What’s with the shabby outfit again? Has your prince dumped you?”
“No…” I put my hand in my pocket.
“By the way, while you’re here,” she turns to Mandy, “you should her that boys her age might like it if she paid a little bit more attention to her appearance.”
Seriously?
Mandy’s pink manicured hand pats my shoulder.
“Don’t worry, I’m on it. Let’s go and have a chat,” she pushes me towards the stairs.
“Good…” Mum hums in a slightly melodious voice.
I walk up the stairs, feeling devastated. The strap of the bag cuts deeper into my shoulders with each step, my feet automatically propelling me forward like some strange machine. Mandy’s eyes burn a hole into my back. Those perfectly painted, big, round eyes… Sometimes I want to claw them out. I reject Devin to be with her, to help her, and she betrays me like that… Maybe she should talk to my Mum instead.
My hand clenches in the pocket of David’s sweater.
I want to send her away.
Come on, say it, kick her out!
I open the door to my room.
“Sorry for the mess,” I close it behind her and lean my back against it, looking for a safe support. “Let’s talk then…” My threatening voice leaves my mouth as an uncertain question.
“Look, I’m sorry for what I said downstairs,” she raises her hands defensively. “Drunks are not worth arguing with.”
So she noticed… I feel like sinking. Deep into the darkness of the earth, never to surface again.
“I’m ashamed of my mother. She’s still taking the loss of my father very hard.”
“It’s okay. At least I don’t mind until she throws the wine bottle at me.”
“I doubt she’ll ever do that. She likes you.”
“You never know with a drunk,” she drops onto the bed, brushing back her blonde curls. A thin scar runs from the base of her ear to her temple. It’s covered with foundation so it’s barely visible, but it must have been a deep wound at the time. We’ve known each other for four years and this is the first time I’ve seen it. She always wears her hair carefully combed to the right, leaving a few strands loose around her face even during PE.
Just a few minutes ago I was accusing her of betraying me and wanted to send her away… I bit my lip.
“My father is a drunk too. By the time I was born, my mother was incapable of raising children and ran off with a rich guy instead. My dad tried to make ends meet, pretty well, but a few years ago he had surgery for a brain tumour and although he survived the cancer, his eyesight was impaired. He loved his job, he loved painting and now he has no purpose in life. He’s not the same ever since, and became more aggressive. Sometimes he can be persuaded to go to rehab, and there are better periods, but he always starts drinking again.”
“So that’s why you never invite me over…”
“I don’t like going home either. I sleep at my boyfriend when I can. Which they like at first, but then they feel weird about it. When it gets to the point where I have to introduce them to my parents, I break up with them… Why do you look so shocked? Did you think I was just chasing them for fun? Sure, it’s fun, and that way the relationship doesn’t have time to get stale. Besides, who wants to be the hero in a family of drunks? That only happens in your novels.”
I confessed all my pain to Devin the day before yesterday and he didn’t run away. He met me yesterday… And we’ll meet again on Monday… My teeth sink deeper into my lips. It would feel so good to share with her, but she didn’t show me her vulnerable side for me to strike another blow.
“I understand, my father was also violent. Thank you for telling me and not judging me because of my mother…”
She just shrugs, as if we’re talking about the weather.
“So, shall we get to that Metaphysics-thing?”
I grab my computer and lie down beside Mandy. I put the history atlas under the laptop, which I’ve never opened, but it’s hard cover comes in handy when it needs ventilation. I plug in the charger, turn it on and pull up one of Metamorph’s latest videos. I try to explain what he’s doing, when and why, but Mandy remains silent.
“You can see clearly from here that he’s not cheating… What do you think?” I include her in my monologue.
“Cheater or not, he’s hot as hell,” she blinks dreamily.
“Yes, but you wish he’d cut his hair, don’t you? Have you been listening to me in the last fifteen minutes?” I ask, feigning insult.
“More or less,” she strokes the creases in the bedclothes. She’s as sure of herself as I am in the shopping mall with the pile of clothes while she’s in the fitting room.
“You’re not going to sweep Matt off his feet by telling him how good-looking his favorite streamer is…
“Speaking of guys,” she points to the white-haired elf warrior in the middle of the monitor. “He really is the spitting image of Devin.”
She just can’t get away from her area of expertise… I want to be angry. At least a bit. But I’m also fascinated by the character.
“Right? I told you so.” I grin like a brainwashed idiot.
“You haven’t even told me what happened yesterday,” she smirks.
“Nothing special,” I poke at the sleeve of my jumper. “We were just talking…”
“Still talking?!”
“It was our third date…” I roll my eyes.
“All right, all right! So, what did you talk about?”
“Career choices, strict parents, clothes, why he wears black… And guess what, in his spare time he feeds cats at the shelter!”